Rustle, thump, clunk, scamper...

The other night, it sounded like something fell on the floor in the kitchen, but there was nothing on the floor when I checked.  A little while later a similar sound came from the living room.  So I checked that too.  There was nothing on the floor, but Ember was sitting proudly in the antique chair nibbling on the vegetable scrubbing brush.  If only I could be certain that she wouldn't chew it to bits and eat the pieces, I would put some doggy toothpaste on the bristles and let her go to town.  Well, if the vegetable brush smells interesting enough to a dog that she would steal it for a secret nibble, it is definitely time for a new one.  She's such a cuckoo pooch.  I'd love to buy her squeaky toys and stuffed toys, but she tears them apart and tries to eat the squeakers.  She's a dominant dog, so getting another dog to keep her company would probably end in visits to the vet for lots of stitches.  Tigger the cat is old, cranky and generally doesn't want to play.  It's official, even with two walks a day, Ember seems to be bored with a serious case of cabin fever.  Welcome to February.

If the Cast of Monty Python

wrote letters for banks to estates of deceased people, what would they be like?  A relative of a friend died, and the friend is having so much "fun" clearing up the estate.  Of course, banks write letters in legalese, but even through the plethora of words, the meaning of one letter was perfectly clear.  Here just for giggles, let's translate it into a facsimile of what the letter might say if the cast of Monty Python were writing the letter.  Who knows, maybe they are thinking of something similar with the passing of Terry Jones.  We wish condolences to his family, friends, and fans.

Dear estate of allegedly dead person,
In spite of being provided your certified death certificate, if you should wish to continue to use your credit card account ending in ####, please provide us with some personal information to indicate that you really aren't dead yet.  If you provide us with proof that you really aren't dead yet, then you may continue to use your credit card for whatever purchases you wish to make.  We really like doing business with you.  You have been such a good customer that you have accrued a significant number of rewards points and also have a credit on your account.  We really don't want to give you your money back, but if you are well and truly dead, then we will have to return it to your estate in the form of a check.  Of course, we'll putz around sending you useless letters to keep your account open a little longer (approximately a month or so) until we earn a bit of interest with your money.  We call this a deadline, just in case you aren't dead yet, but it is merely a means of annoying your estate executor.  Should your estate executor want additional frustration and aggravation, we offer that service free of charge at all our local offices.  If you really are dead, it isn't like you will mind the delay.  If you actually aren't dead yet, please contact us.  We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Customer Service