Murphy's Laws of Household Electrical Work

For Housewives

1.  Take the desired/estimated time to project completion and multiply by 50, or 100 if it is winter.

2.  When in doubt, assume the original electrician was dyslexic and had trouble differentiating between black and white wires.  Assume that perhaps halfway through wiring a circuit, he changed his mind on which one should be line and which one should be neutral.

3.  Assume that the people who did maintenance in subsequent years were not psychic and attempted to follow the standard convention that black is supposed to be line and white is supposed to be neutral.  Also assume that if they followed this convention, they stood a 50/50 chance of being right - or wrong.

4.  Remember, electricity is color blind and it doesn't care what color the wire insulation is.

5.  Wash hands regularly and keep a large stock of hand lotion around, because unwrapping ancient electrical tape is really disgusting.

6.  Occasional surprises may lurk in unforeseen locations.  "Oh look, the metal detector picked up a junction box in the ceiling that was plastered over.  And how does the power get from the kitchen ceiling to the kitchen outlet?  Let's go lift some floorboards in the attic and go hunting for more junction boxes.  Maybe they did an unconventional 'repair' after the roof fire in 1944."

7.  When in doubt, disconnect every cable, switch, fixture, and outlet; then check the continuity of each wire, charting it's starting point and ending point.  Make a diagram, because it will be impossible to remember it all.

8.  On the diagram draw up a plan on how to reconnect everything in such a way that it actually follows standard wiring conventions and codes.  I wish you the best of luck with that.

7.  Last but not least, wear a shirt that does't have a loose neck, because in addition to the rule that the mounting screw from the ceiling light fixture will fall and roll to the least accessible place in the room, another rule applies to ladies.  Invariably, that mounting screw with 60 years of accumulated grime on it will fall down your shirt and get stuck in your bra.  Best of luck ladies.

Has Anyone Seen

the rest of season 8 of Doctor Who?  Is it worth the bother?  Has the writer/producer Steven Moffat lost his marbles?  We snagged a DVD of the special Deep Breath from a neighboring library the other day, and did not find it at all entertaining.  Hope the rest of the season is better.

Absurd Word Play

Ok, so Hubby was surfing the blogs the other day while I was in the kitchen making lunch for the perpetually hungry man.  He occasionally enjoys reading the interesting ones out loud to me.  He came across one that recounted, something to the effect that scientists have been lying about polar bear figures.  Being a bit tired I said, "the only way a polar bear could get a figure is if you put a corset on one."

To which Hubby snorted then replied, "Now that would be a very dangerous job, not to be undertaken without lots of tranquilizers - for the polar bear.  Of course, if the scientists are so lazy that they are falsifying data; the likelihood that they would actually do anything resembling work is quite low.  But that could be interesting to see one try putting a corset on a polar bear."

If Chloe Could Speak

She'd say.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

What, you don't trust me?

Guess you're not as dumb as you look after all."

Hot and Cold

Hot food for a cold winter's day.

The frosty pictures are from earlier this week.

Today was actually a little warmer,

thankfully, because even the Packers don't like playing when the temperatures are below zero F.

Yay - They won!

Not sure how they will do at Seattle though.

Oh, and on Christmas Eve a secret Santa left me a present,

a snowman cookie cutter.  I have no idea who left it;

the list of possibilities is quite long as the tradition of giving cookies goes back quite a few years.

Unfortunately, the cutout cookies still haven't been made yet.

Maybe I can make snowmen cookies carrying hearts

for Valentine's Day.

Wear and Tear

So Chloe's new boots didn't hold up very well to last winter's onslaught.  Two of the zipper tabs broke, and the other two zippers broke completely.  The velcro tabs were not secured very well and started ripping loose from the boots in the front.  So, a couple mismatched zippers came out of the sewing stock and were used as replacements.  A couple paperclips and electrical tape replaced the missing zipper tabs.  The velcro was stitched back down and Chloe is good to go skidding all four feet in the cold snow again.  Of course, now that the cold doesn't bother her feet anymore, it takes even longer for her to find the perfect spot in the yard to go potty.

Tried a Different Bread Recipe

With mixed results.

So in an attempt to use a bunch of eggs that were getting a bit old, I dug out the Fanny Farmer cookbook and looked for a bread recipe that used a lot of eggs.  I came across the Brioche Bread and Rolls Recipe.  Of course I couldn't leave it alone, so I doubled the batch, substituted olive oil for the butter and left out the grated lemon zest.  Maybe that accounts for the fact that it was impossible to mix in the last 3/4 cup of flour; that or there is a mistake in the recipe and about 1/2 cup more liquid is needed.  I may have accidentally only put in half of the yeast required in the recipe.  It seemed like a really huge amount of yeast for 5 1/2 cups of flour, but perhaps that much is needed to overpower the tensile strength of the eggs and the extra 1/2 tsp of salt per batch.  Anyhow, it took all evening for the dough to double.  Out of frustration, the covered tub was popped into the fridge overnight.  The next afternoon it was brought out, punched down, and set atop a grate on the pellet stove to be brought up to room temperature.  It still wasn't very warm when I broke down and formed it into a braided loaf, a pan of cinnamon rolls, a pan with six buns, and a pan of Kurdish style kleachas (little bread pastries stuffed with chopped walnuts, sugar, cinnamon, and cardamon.)  The yeast in the dough was still sleeping after an hour of sitting in the kitchen, so I stuck it on top of the pellet stove to give it a wakeup call.  After about 1 1/2 hours it was finally ready to go in the oven.  The crimps along the edges of the kleachas had come undone a bit.

This is where the 2nd mistake in the recipe really caused trouble.  The instructions said to bake a loaf of bread with egg wash on it at 375 deg. F for 40 minutes.  I opted for 370, but still found the cooking time to be too hot and too long.  The kleachas were done in about 12 minutes.  The thickness of the bread in the other pans led me to leave them in longer for fear they would be raw in the middle.  The amount of egg in the bread combined with all the sugar made it brown very quickly.  This bread recipe really does not need an egg wash, and if one is used, it should be diluted quite a bit with milk.  When done it was a rich flakey bread, but the buns, braided loaf, and cinnamon rolls came out a bit too brown for my liking. 

So in retrospect, the recipe should probably be as follows.

2 packages dried yeast (4 1/2 tsp.)

  (if you want it to go slow, use  2 1/2 tsp like I did by accident)

1 1/2 Cups warm milk

2/3 Cup Olive Oil

1 whole egg

4 egg yolks

1/2 Cup sugar

1 1/2 tsp salt

5 1/2 Cups white flour

Dissolve yeast in warm milk with a bit of the sugar.  Add remaining wet ingredients, salt, and sugar, and mix well until salt and sugar are dissolved.  Mix in flour, being careful not to get too dry a dough.  It will be very soft and sticky until it suddenly becomes dry and sticky, so be careful not to add too much flour.  The stickiness never goes away, because the dough has so much sugar.  Cover and let rise in a warm place until double in bulk, this may take a while unless it is a very warm day.  Most likely you will have to punch it down and refrigerate the dough overnight.  Remove dough from fridge the next day and allow it to come back to room temperature.  Form into desired shapes, and allow it to rise in a warm place.  Do not egg wash the loaves unless you plan to watch them like a hawk during the last 15 minutes of baking.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Bake a braided loaf for approx. 30-40 minutes, buns for 15-20 minutes, small stuffed pastries for 10-15 minutes.

Winter Prose

It's time to get all bundled

to go shovel.

First the thumbs go numb,

then the bum.

(Stay warm y'all,

and don't freeze your buts off.

Because people without bottoms look really silly.)

Today Fell Under the Category of

Things that are seen when a video camera is Not within reach.

So, after weeks of looking at brown grass (primarily thanks to that sunspot that erupted in December), it snowed again.  Looking at brown grass isn't too bothersome, because rain does not have to be shoveled.  While I was outside shoveling, and occasionally tossing the bumper to keep Chloe entertained, we were interrupted by the sound of screeching coming from the sky.  I looked up in time to see an adult bald eagle giving another eagle a serious chasing and beat down.  From what I could see, talons, beeks, and wings were all involved.  The other one looked like it was perhaps a juvenile bald eagle encroaching on what the elder eagle viewed as its own territory.  The flew down my street battling it out while attempting to fly and loosing altitude in the process.  Eventually the younger eagle dropped something, they separated, and flew off in different directions.  I did not bother to search for what fell, but I do wonder if it was prey, or just a giant pile of eagle poop that was scared out of it.  Either way, I'm glad the car was in the garage and they weren't directly above me at the time.

Can you imagine that insurance claim... "Hello, insurance company...  You're never going to believe this, but it looks like a bald eagle might have dropped a 5 pound walleye on my car.  It left a really big dent in the roof, bounced off and cracked the windshield when it landed the second time.  No, I don't know precisely from what altitude it was dropped.  Do you cover this particular act of nature?"

I wonder if that lady on the other side of town has finally given up looking for her furry terrier mix dog yet?

Happy Almost New Year

May this year be filled with smiles

and colorful things to brighten your days.

And remember,

spring will come again.